I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
