i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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