chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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