the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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