Three words: puerto rican gang bang
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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