it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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