Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
