Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
