You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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