Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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