In the future we'll all be gay
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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