the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
