dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
im on a boat
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