There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
