A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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