You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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