Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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