I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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