Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
that's an acceptable place to lick
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
