Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
