you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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