dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize