I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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