i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
