Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
