Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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