he was CRYING into my vagina
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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