Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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