Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
