I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
