is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
