i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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