you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
