Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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