Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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