I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
