it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
