Me. At least after what I've been through.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
