I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
