i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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