So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
a search helicopter?!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
