so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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