Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
