haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
