some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We were destined to go to rehab together
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
false alarm, still single
Randomize