1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
