If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
