I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
