The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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