Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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