there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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