Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Randomize
