I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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