Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
