i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
