She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
