its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
