where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
